


What to live for

by Filevenxsouls



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:14:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27512143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filevenxsouls/pseuds/Filevenxsouls
Summary: Eleven doesn't like her life so she tries to end it
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I'm starting this new story , english is not my first language so if there is something rong I'm sorry   
> Please , tell me if you enjoyed it and if I should keep uploading
> 
> Also you can find me on wattpad as filevenxsouls and in fanfiction.net as promise353mnm

I know that I have been very distant lately .I know that since your father cheated on your mother we have been drifting apart and I haven't been there to support you like I should and I know that as much as it pains me to write this I need to give you an explanation.

People since childhood are taught to seek a purpose in life, study, marry, have children and grow old with the love of your life.

Not me, I was prepared to be a weapon of war since I was a child.

When you show me pictures as a child or tell me anecdotes with the party, I always envy that, your childhood, I know it was not the best, but you had parents, sisters, friends, people who cared about you

On the other hand, I did not know my parents, only a psychopath man who pretended to be one of them. 

It was me alone, always, of course there was Eight but I do not remember much about moments together, then he escaped and I really knew it was loneliness 

Especially those moments when I misbehaved and was locked in that dark room for hours, God that was the worst feeling

But when I left the lab you taught me this whole world, something that was completely new to me, I wanted to explore, I discovered and learned, everything I had missed during those 12 years

You taught me what it was like to have friends, family and people who loved and cared for me.

You gave me this opportunity to have the life I never had

But that came at a cost to you, if it wasn't for me Will would never have disappeared. Barb, Bob, Billy, Heather, Benny, Driscoll and Alexei wouldn't be dead, Hopper wouldn't have been kidnapped by the Russians, you wouldn't have had traumas with the upside down, and you wouldn't have had to put up with a telekinetic girlfriend so whimsical that she's complaining all the time about her past traumas.

Every person I meet has their life ruined because of me.

I remember that thing Lucas told me long time ago "maybe she is the monster". I know things have changed a lot since that but not that

'Cause I'm the monster .All I do cause problems , and it's all my fault .

It's like don't know what to do anymore , i want to scream all the time, there is so much anxiety inside me , My heart beats so fast in despair it's a feeling that kills me inside. I have tried to move forward and don't think I that, but every time I try it gets worse . I can't keep on with this pressure. And I need to end it.

I wish i could have seen you and tell you this in person but I'm not brave enough

I just want you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, thank you for making me the happiest person in the world for a while, thank you for making me feel important, thanks for listening to me when none one did, thanks for trust me , thank you for making me laugh, for giving me great moments, thank you for giving me a life, and above all thank you for making me feel loved.

I apologize for making you waste your time with me, I'm sorry for not being by far the best girlfriend, but I hope I could also make you happy, at least at some point. I need you to keep forward and don't collapse because of me , fell i love with someone , create a life with that person ,have kids , grow old together , just be happy please.

So i guess this is the end , this is a forever goodbye .

Love you 

-El ❤️

…………..

It was a warm afternoon in the town known as Hawkins.

Everything pointed to be a normal afternoon 

One thing they didn't know was that a young teenager was about to take her own life

Eleven was standing there , at the tip of the cliff

She was there one step away from finishing, from finishing all those bad memories, from finishing all the bad moments, from finishing everything that she had constituted.

To finish with her life

Decided on what she was about to do 

She took a deep breath 

She took one step

One step more and everything would be over

One second before taking the next step, something unexpected happened

"Please don't do this" a voice she knew so great said 

The voice of that boy who saved her life many times , and probably this one.

The voice of the boy she is been in love for years.

Mike's voice.


	2. Before the catastrophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey let me know what are your thoughts on this story , also english is not my first language so if there is something rong I'm sorry  
> Please , tell me if you enjoyed it and if I should keep uploading

Mike wasn't having his best months, everything was fine in summer in fact it was his best summer but everything changed in mid-September when his parents started arguing more than usual, Karen found out that Ted cheated on her.

He was hopping they were going to divorce but Karen just said it was a mistake everyone could make , letting pass.

Mike knew that was a stupid escuse .She just has always been teached to be a great wife and mother. She doesn't know what or how is not depending on some man.

And he hated that.

At first eleven really help him, she was always there for him even she let him stay some nights at his house , of course without Hopper knowing it.

But after a few weeks she started acting really weird , she looked tired , and she was never in the mood

He tried to talk to her but everytime he did she said she was fine or in some ocasions she was on a defensive attitude.

You cannot say that everything was normal with them but it wasn't that weird 

But that changed that day , when they had a big arguing.

Eleven was resting on mike chest 

"El?" Mike asked , he turned and leaned on his arm to see Eleven

"Mmhm" She said confused 

"You didn't listen what I was saying ,right?"he said kinda disappointed

"Sorry , I was distracted , what were you saying?" Now trying to sound more interested about what he was talking a few moments ago 

"So... Maybe we could go to the movies , it's been a while since we don't go on a date" He said enthusiastic

"Sure" said without any expression 

"You don't seem interested " he said with deception 

She groaned "sorry I'm just tired , but yeah it's a great idea" 

He sat up in his bed "please, don't lie to me "He said 

"What?" She sat up and say confused.

"Yeah , you always try to excuse yourself with that shitty excuse" sound like he was mad 

"It's not an excuse , I'm fine" said annoyed and louder

He stand up and said "Look I'm trying to help you but I can't I you don't tell me what's happening"said almost shouting

She took a deep breath while she was standing up and said "FINE, I'M NOT OKAY , ALRIGHT , IN FACT I'M HAVING THE WORST TIME, BUT YOU NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR STUPID STUFF"said shouting

He definitely didn't expect this "OH , SO NOW THE ONLY PROBLEMS THAT MATTER HERE ARE YOURS"

"NO , BUT YOU CAN STOP THINKING A MOMENT IN YOU AND ASK FOR THE OTHERS"

"SO YOU THINK I DIDN'T TRY TO TALK TO YOU , I HAVE , BUT EVERY TIME YOU SAID YOU WERE FINE , AND I DIDN'T WANTED TO PUSH YOU TO TELL ME YOU WOULD HAVE NOTICED I YOU HEARD ME , BUT IT SEEMS THAT YOU ONLY THINK IN YOUR THINGS" 

"LOOK I DON'T KNOW WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT , IS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOUR STUPID FATHER CHEATED ON YOUR MOTHER AND THAT SHE IS SO STUPID THAT SHE DOESN'T EVEN DIVORCE FROM HIM"

"ALSO ISN'T MY FAULT THAT YOU WERE IN A LAB FOR 12 YEARS AND YOU OPENED AN OTHER DIMENSION THAT RUINED OUR LIVES"

"Great so now everything is my fault " said wispering with tears in her eyes 

"Yeah it looks like" he didn't mean that but he was angry and mad , everything he could said was that.

"Fine , so probably I should go" cleaning her tears she took her things and go.

He hated that , he hated fighting with her.

Since that day they barely talked , just some "hi or hello" , they didn't even sit next to each other in the lunch.

He knew that what he said had gone to far ,but she also did and he was tired of him always apologizing first for things that weren't his faul.

……..  
After last period he went to his locker and see a letter , where it was written "from El , read it alone and take your time , love you ❤️" this was unspected for him, why would her write a letter and don't talk to him, and more when they barely talked this days.

He put the letter on his bag and went home.

……..  
"How is been your day " Karen asked.

"Great , mom , I can't talk right now" running up stairs 

He got inside his room and close the door. He sat on the bed, Opened his bag and took the letter.

Carefully opened, and ...

"I know that I have been very distant lately" he started reading.

When he finished we was on tears.

It was his fault , he shouldn't have said that , he should have asked her how she was.

But she was right , he just tough on himself.

And that probably would take her life 

But maybe isn't too late 

He quickly grabbed his backpack, and looked for his supercom.

There it was.He take it.

"Will?" "Will" "Will" He said hopples into his supercom

"What?" Will answer from the other side

"Is El home?" 

"No, why?"said kinda worried

He was trying to think where she could be

"Why you think that's the best way"Max asked

"It's so fast that you don't feel nothing and are just one or two seconds"Dustin responded

"So , let's be clear on this , you almost died 'cause two weird guys were going to knock your friend's teeth out" 

"Yeah"He simply said "but as usual El saved me"smiling at El and grabbing her hand.

"Oh"She said with uncertainty 

After that they started to eat and changed their conversation

He knew exactly where she was.

Coming out of his thoughts

"Mike? What is happening"

"Sorry I can't talk to you right now"

He left his supercom ,take his keys and went out as fast as possible hoping it wasn't too late.

………..  
When he arrived, he was almost out of breath

Lucky It wasn't too late

She was there

About to jump 

With his last remaining strength, he said "please don't do this"


End file.
